Netherworld

I'm trapped between two worlds with a foot in each one
Where do I belong
Singles don't know what to do with me
They think
At least she got to experience the joys of a husband
True
But the pain of knowing the joy was not mutual is unbearable
Marrieds come in two camps - younger and older
The younger are busy building their own families
They want to reach out but time is an issue
The older, I think, are afraid of me
They fear upsetting me with their own happy long-lasting marriages
Or, they fear that I am a possibility of something to come in their own lives
Either way, they tend to stay more distant

And, so, I am trapped in a netherworld
A world I never imagined I'd be in
But always feared would come

It's been thirteen long months since I heard the words
I don't love you
I don't want to be married
And now
Silence
Silence
Silence
I am trapped in a netherworld

What does spiritual transformation look like in this netherworld
I'm trying to figure it out
But it's
Messy
Messy
Messy
I am trapped in a netherworld

I do not like straddling two worlds like this
But it is the reality
And so I
Wait
Wait
Wait
In the netherworld